It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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