Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
