A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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