I hate all girls vehemently.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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