Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
pray to the hookup gods
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
