I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
