I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
