time to smoke my breakfast
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
