matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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