My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
