remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
