I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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