Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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