you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
