I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
