I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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