she looked like the before picture.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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