I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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