haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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