I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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