Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
