I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
