I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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