The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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