i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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