I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
