508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
