Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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