It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
