Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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