How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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