I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
