Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
