my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
