i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
