My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
