I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
