I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
