when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
