why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
