Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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