Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
