a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
