so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
