so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
