Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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