"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
