no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
