Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
