we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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