I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
