I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think your dad took our porno
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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