I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
