4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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