i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
