physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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