I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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