Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize