This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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