yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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