Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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