The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
