The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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