Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
