Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
