You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
