ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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