Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize