Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
