I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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