i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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